1
00:00:00,510 --> 00:00:03,170
back we are dating robin and i had this running joke.

2
00:00:03,180 --> 00:00:05,700
we were the only two people in the world who found it funny

3
00:00:05,710 --> 00:00:07,040
no way.

4
00:00:07,050 --> 00:00:08,910
march does not have 31 days.

5
00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:09,940
yes, it does.

6
00:00:09,950 --> 00:00:11,280
everyone knows that.

7
00:00:11,290 --> 00:00:13,010
it's like general knowledge.

8
00:00:13,020 --> 00:00:15,280
general knowledge. general knowledge.

9
00:00:15,290 --> 00:00:16,750
and we did it all the time.

10
00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:18,120
isn't it sad?

11
00:00:18,130 --> 00:00:19,690
i mean in 2007,

12
00:00:19,700 --> 00:00:22,860
some countries actually still condone corporal punishment.

13
00:00:22,870 --> 00:00:24,620
corporal punishment. corporal punishment.

14
00:00:24,630 --> 00:00:26,130
because once you start

15
00:00:26,140 --> 00:00:27,890
it's surprisingly hard to stop

16
00:00:27,900 --> 00:00:30,730
oh, man, i got a kernel stuck in my teeth.

17
00:00:30,740 --> 00:00:33,230
colonel stuck-in-my-teeth.

18
00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:34,970
please stop! i hate you!you're killing me!

19
00:00:34,980 --> 00:00:37,500
but now, we were broken up,so when marshall said...

20
00:00:37,510 --> 00:00:40,440
but after the first year，i get a major pay raise.

21
00:00:40,450 --> 00:00:42,980
we just let it slide.

22
00:00:42,990 --> 00:00:44,580
you see, on the surface,robin and i looked like

23
00:00:44,590 --> 00:00:45,580
we were doing great.

24
00:00:45,590 --> 00:00:47,480
but the truth is,

25
00:00:47,490 --> 00:00:48,750
trying to be friends with your ex

26
00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:50,180
is a lot harder than it looks

27
00:00:50,190 --> 00:00:52,050
you can't be as candid as you used to be

28
00:00:52,060 --> 00:00:54,120
so then this hot intern leans over my desk,

29
00:00:54,130 --> 00:00:56,990
i can totally see she has a pierced...

30
00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:58,460
brosnan.

31
00:00:58,470 --> 00:01:01,160
pierce brosnan is my favorite of all the bonds.

32
00:01:01,170 --> 00:01:04,630
but most importantly, you can never, ever be alone together.

33
00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:06,030
i gotta go.

34
00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:09,710
-i'm gonna go pay.  -peeing.

35
00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:13,970
i'm gonna help marshall pay.

36
00:01:13,980 --> 00:01:17,250
i'm gonna help lily pee.

37
00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:30,960
all right,we have a turkey.

38
00:01:30,970 --> 00:01:32,320
yeah, we do.

39
00:01:32,330 --> 00:01:33,660
isn't this exciting?

40
00:01:33,670 --> 00:01:36,030
our first thanksgiving together as a group.

41
00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:38,330
yeah, this is gonna be the best slapsgiving ever.

42
00:01:38,340 --> 00:01:39,330
what?

43
00:01:39,340 --> 00:01:40,730
i said this is going to be

44
00:01:40,740 --> 00:01:42,600
the best thanksgiving ever

45
00:01:42,610 --> 00:01:44,270
yeah, this is going to be great.

46
00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:46,240
just the five of us, right?

47
00:01:46,250 --> 00:01:47,710
oh, uh, that reminds me: i invited bob.

48
00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:49,040
bob?

49
00:01:49,050 --> 00:01:51,040
you've been on, like,three dates with that guy.

50
00:01:51,050 --> 00:01:52,540
we haven't even met him.

51
00:01:52,550 --> 00:01:54,850
well, he didn't have anywhere else to go,

52
00:01:54,860 --> 00:01:56,280
and i didn't know what to say.

53
00:01:56,290 --> 00:01:57,880
is it really that big a deal?

54
00:01:57,890 --> 00:01:58,850
yes.

55
00:01:58,860 --> 00:02:00,420
this is our first thanksgiving.

56
00:02:00,430 --> 00:02:02,720
30 years from now, we're going to look at the photos

57
00:02:02,730 --> 00:02:07,190
and say, "oh,  there's the four people i love most in the world.

58
00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:08,730
and bob."

59
00:02:08,740 --> 00:02:10,360
i'm sorry,sometimes i forget

60
00:02:10,370 --> 00:02:12,700
how seriously you guys take american thanksgiving.

61
00:02:12,710 --> 00:02:14,730
real thanksgiving happened over a month ago.

62
00:02:14,740 --> 00:02:16,740
i'm sorry.

63
00:02:16,750 --> 00:02:19,370
did you just say canadian thanksgiving was

64
00:02:19,380 --> 00:02:22,240
and i'm quoting,"the real thanksgiving"?

65
00:02:22,250 --> 00:02:26,750
what do canadians even have to celebrate about?

66
00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:28,610
canadian thanksgiving

67
00:02:28,620 --> 00:02:31,380
celebrates explorer martin frobisher's valiant

68
00:02:31,390 --> 00:02:33,790
yet ultimately unsuccessful attempt

69
00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:35,550
to find the northwest passage.

70
00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:38,190
why are you guys even a country?

71
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:39,630
oh, hey, by the way,

72
00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:41,260
if anyone wants to come over early thursday,

73
00:02:41,270 --> 00:02:42,960
we can watch the slapsgiving day parade.

74
00:02:42,970 --> 00:02:44,600
well,there,you said it again.

75
00:02:44,610 --> 00:02:45,300
said what?

76
00:02:45,310 --> 00:02:46,270
slapsgiving.

77
00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:48,400
oh, i guess i did.

78
00:02:48,410 --> 00:02:52,400
you know why? i've invented a new holiday: slapsgiving.

79
00:02:52,410 --> 00:02:53,940
it's the one day we set aside each year

80
00:02:53,950 --> 00:02:56,980
to gather together and give slaps.

81
00:02:56,990 --> 00:02:58,280
i should explain

82
00:02:58,290 --> 00:03:00,010
kids, you remember the slap bet

83
00:03:00,020 --> 00:03:02,550
a year earlier, marshall made a bet with barney

84
00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:04,620
and won the right to slap him five times

85
00:03:04,630 --> 00:03:07,350
he had already used the first

86
00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:09,990
and the second.

87
00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:12,690
but marshall had something special in store for the third

88
00:03:12,700 --> 00:03:14,090
slapcountdown.com.

89
00:03:14,100 --> 00:03:15,860
no.

90
00:03:15,870 --> 00:03:16,830
no, no.

91
00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,300
the countdown ends at 3:00 p.m.

92
00:03:19,310 --> 00:03:20,800
the day after thanksgiving.

93
00:03:20,810 --> 00:03:22,000
i counted it out.

94
00:03:22,010 --> 00:03:23,640
how many days are in october?

95
00:03:23,650 --> 00:03:25,800
uh, thirty.

96
00:03:25,810 --> 00:03:29,310
dude, i thought we cleared this up last year.

97
00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:32,010
i like halloween very much.

98
00:03:32,020 --> 00:03:34,110
is nice.

99
00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:35,480
is also tomorrow.

100
00:03:35,490 --> 00:03:38,160
damn it!

101
00:03:38,390 --> 00:03:41,150
wait, you're gonna slap me on thanksgiving?

102
00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:42,050
slapsgiving.

103
00:03:42,060 --> 00:03:43,820
that's not allowed.

104
00:03:43,830 --> 00:03:46,530
lily, you're the slap bet commissioner, is that allowed?

105
00:03:46,540 --> 00:03:48,990
the hostess in me who's using her wedding china

106
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,430
for the first time wants to say hell, no,

107
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,630
but yeah,i'm going to allow it.

108
00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:55,330
well, you know what?

109
00:03:55,340 --> 00:03:57,100
if you're trying to freak me out

110
00:03:57,110 --> 00:03:58,270
about spending thanksgiving...

111
00:03:58,280 --> 00:03:59,270
slapsgiving.

112
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,510
at your place, then you failed.

113
00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:03,480
truth is, i'm not scared.

114
00:04:03,490 --> 00:04:05,710
-really?-right.cause you blew it.

115
00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:07,550
hmm.the worst part about getting slapped

116
00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:09,250
is not knowing when it's going to happen.

117
00:04:09,260 --> 00:04:11,550
but now i know exactly when i'm gonna get slapped.

118
00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:13,850
so, you took all the suspense out.

119
00:04:13,860 --> 00:04:16,120
you showed your hand.

120
00:04:16,130 --> 00:04:18,560
and thursday at 3:01 p.m.,

121
00:04:18,570 --> 00:04:23,000
your face is going to show my hand.

122
00:04:23,010 --> 00:04:24,700
oh, there's bob!

123
00:04:24,710 --> 00:04:26,230
by the way, heads up, he's a little bit older than us.

124
00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:27,130
how old is he?

125
00:04:27,140 --> 00:04:28,300
he's forty-one.

126
00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:29,130
hey, bob!

127
00:04:29,140 --> 00:04:31,040
over here!

128
00:04:31,050 --> 00:04:33,840
okay, kids, the truth is,bob probably looked like this.

129
00:04:33,850 --> 00:04:36,540
-hey, sweetie.-hi.

130
00:04:36,550 --> 00:04:38,440
but when your ex is dating someone new

131
00:04:38,450 --> 00:04:40,910
your mind tends to accentuate their flaws.

132
00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,510
this is how i saw bob.

133
00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:44,750
hey, dudes,what's crackin'?.

134
00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:46,090
-hey  -hey, man, how are you?

135
00:04:46,100 --> 00:04:46,920
good to meet you.

136
00:04:46,930 --> 00:04:48,120
sorry i'm late.

137
00:04:48,130 --> 00:04:49,660
i just got off the phone with my parents.

138
00:04:49,670 --> 00:04:50,960
parents?

139
00:04:50,970 --> 00:04:52,690
they were totally on my case:

140
00:04:52,700 --> 00:04:54,430
"what are you gonna do with your life? you're forty-one."

141
00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:58,960
and i'm like, "chillax,snowboarding is a legit career.

142
00:04:58,970 --> 00:05:02,030
you ought to be stoked i found my bliss."

143
00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:06,550
and speaking of bliss,sugar me, baby.

144
00:05:07,220 --> 00:05:09,850
let's go get a drink.

145
00:05:12,820 --> 00:05:14,210
unbelievable.

146
00:05:14,220 --> 00:05:17,450
robin is dating orville redenbacher.

147
00:05:17,460 --> 00:05:19,490
what are you talking about?

148
00:05:19,500 --> 00:05:21,820
he's forty-one.he looks great.

149
00:05:21,830 --> 00:05:23,190
yeah, du he's in pretty good shape.

150
00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:24,490
he could kick your ass.

151
00:05:24,500 --> 00:05:26,230
how are you guys not seeing this?

152
00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:28,230
he's 150; robin's 27.

153
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:29,730
barney, come on,what do you got?

154
00:05:29,740 --> 00:05:32,100
nothing but respect for that man.

155
00:05:32,110 --> 00:05:35,530
oh, by the way, we're all baking pies at robin's tomorrow.

156
00:05:35,540 --> 00:05:38,970
marshall can't be trusted in the apartment with pies overnight.

157
00:05:38,980 --> 00:05:40,740
for the millionth time,

158
00:05:40,750 --> 00:05:46,750
sleep-eating is a very serious and delicious medical condition.

159
00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:48,750
hey, uh, what time are you guys going to robin's?

160
00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:49,820
7:30.

161
00:05:49,830 --> 00:05:51,380
perfect.

162
00:05:51,390 --> 00:05:54,660
just to be safe,i'll get there like 8:00, 8:30.

163
00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:56,590
sorry i'm late.

164
00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:57,560
where are marshall and lily?

165
00:05:57,570 --> 00:05:59,190
uh, they just called.

166
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:02,940
they're both super swamped preparing for tomorrow.

167
00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:10,140
is bob coming?

168
00:06:10,150 --> 00:06:12,040
no, he went to see green day.

169
00:06:12,050 --> 00:06:13,710

170
00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,040
so it's...

171
00:06:15,050 --> 00:06:16,410
-...just the two of us.  -...just the two of us.

172
00:06:16,420 --> 00:06:18,010
making pies.

173
00:06:18,020 --> 00:06:19,380
pies. they're things that friends make together.

174
00:06:19,390 --> 00:06:21,650
yeah, they do.

175
00:06:21,660 --> 00:06:22,980
-great. -yeah.

176
00:06:22,990 --> 00:06:24,420
great. well, this is great.

177
00:06:24,430 --> 00:06:28,800
-it'll give us a chance to catch up.  -yeah.

178
00:06:30,330 --> 00:06:33,970
-i'm going to make a phone call. -i'll put it in the oven.

179
00:06:34,540 --> 00:06:36,160
hey, it's me.

180
00:06:36,170 --> 00:06:38,130
listen, you have to come over here and make pies.

181
00:06:38,140 --> 00:06:40,130
yeah, i'll be there, absolutely.

182
00:06:40,140 --> 00:06:41,630
oh, awesome, you're a lifesaver.

183
00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:43,540
it's still kind of weird being alone with robin,

184
00:06:43,550 --> 00:06:44,940
but if you were here...

185
00:06:44,950 --> 00:06:46,310
hey, say no more.

186
00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:47,670
i mean, when i pulled

187
00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:49,340
you out of that burning wreckage,

188
00:06:49,350 --> 00:06:51,040
i wasn't doing it to have a battleship named after me.

189
00:06:51,050 --> 00:06:52,540
but if you insist,

190
00:06:52,550 --> 00:06:54,580
yes, i'll be there for the christening.

191
00:06:54,590 --> 00:06:57,120
you're hitting on someone right now, aren't you?

192
00:06:57,130 --> 00:06:59,220
no, i'm not going to wear the medal of honor.

193
00:06:59,230 --> 00:07:01,420
that would just be tacky.

194
00:07:01,430 --> 00:07:02,660
so you're not coming to make pies.

195
00:07:02,670 --> 00:07:03,920
no, no.

196
00:07:03,930 --> 00:07:05,420
thank you, mr. president.

197
00:07:05,430 --> 00:07:07,530
sorry.

198
00:07:07,540 --> 00:07:10,630
after a very long night, it was finally the big holiday.

199
00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:12,730
sorry, the two big holidays.

200
00:07:12,740 --> 00:07:13,870
oh, marshall,

201
00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:15,530
are you working on the cranberry sauce?

202
00:07:15,540 --> 00:07:18,540
in a minute, baby. i've only got so many hands.

203
00:07:18,550 --> 00:07:20,570
you see what i got going on here?

204
00:07:20,580 --> 00:07:22,370
they're turkeys, but they're also hands,

205
00:07:22,380 --> 00:07:24,840
because later, we're going to eat turkey...

206
00:07:24,850 --> 00:07:27,380
and then i'm going to slap you in your face.

207
00:07:27,390 --> 00:07:30,950
please, you took out all the suspense.

208
00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:32,750
in a horror movie,

209
00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:34,290
the killer does not grab a bullhorn and announce,

210
00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:37,360
"attention unsupervised teens here at the lake house:

211
00:07:37,370 --> 00:07:38,890
"at precisely 3:00 a.m.,

212
00:07:38,900 --> 00:07:41,090
"i'm gonna jump out of that closet right there

213
00:07:41,100 --> 00:07:42,800
"and hack you all up with a machete.

214
00:07:42,810 --> 00:07:46,240
p.s. fire is my one weakness."

215
00:07:49,380 --> 00:07:51,140
hey, ted.

216
00:07:51,150 --> 00:07:52,810
-hey, happy thanksgiving.  -you, too.

217
00:07:52,820 --> 00:07:54,210
is lily in the kitchen?

218
00:07:54,220 --> 00:07:56,950
-yep.  -great.

219
00:07:58,150 --> 00:07:59,180
-marshall?  -lily?

220
00:07:59,190 --> 00:08:00,780
-yeah?  -uh-huh?

221
00:08:00,790 --> 00:08:04,930
something really weird happened last night.

222
00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:07,200
what do you mean something weird happened last night?

223
00:08:07,210 --> 00:08:08,800
you may not realize this, but since we broke up,

224
00:08:08,810 --> 00:08:11,030
robin and i have never really been alone together.

225
00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:12,500
so we're in the kitchen,

226
00:08:12,510 --> 00:08:14,570
starting on the pies, and we realize,

227
00:08:14,580 --> 00:08:16,640
we don't have a damn thing to say to each other.

228
00:08:16,650 --> 00:08:18,210
i mean, you can't talk about

229
00:08:18,220 --> 00:08:19,840
how close you used to be.

230
00:08:19,850 --> 00:08:21,080
you can't talk about how close

231
00:08:21,090 --> 00:08:22,650
you're not now.

232
00:08:22,660 --> 00:08:24,010
you just feel like everything you say

233
00:08:24,020 --> 00:08:25,350
is gonna make things worse.

234
00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:27,520
exactly. and you know why?

235
00:08:27,530 --> 00:08:29,920
because you don't want to hurt someone you really care about,

236
00:08:29,930 --> 00:08:31,590
especially around the holidays.

237
00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:34,220
i mean, what decent human being would want to cause

238
00:08:34,230 --> 00:08:36,890
any kind of emotional or physical pain...

239
00:08:36,900 --> 00:08:39,340
you're still getting slapped.

240
00:08:39,470 --> 00:08:40,860
i wanted to leave, but i couldn't stick her

241
00:08:40,870 --> 00:08:42,530
with making all the pies by herself.

242
00:08:42,540 --> 00:08:44,230
she was exhausted.

243
00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:46,900
i yawned like a million times trying to get him to leave.

244
00:08:46,910 --> 00:08:49,270
yeah, some people just can't take a hint.

245
00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:51,070
by the way, i'm really swamped in here.

246
00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:52,710
i kept looking at the clock and sighing--

247
00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:54,410
totally clueless.

248
00:08:54,420 --> 00:08:55,880
uh-huh. i'm not sure i have time to mash

249
00:08:55,890 --> 00:08:58,080
those potatoes, you're standing right next to.

250
00:08:58,090 --> 00:08:59,850
and then ted does the thing that he always does

251
00:08:59,860 --> 00:09:01,380
when there's an awkward silence.

252
00:09:01,390 --> 00:09:02,920
yep. masher's right there, next to the pot.

253
00:09:02,930 --> 00:09:05,990
he panics and says the first thing that pops into his head.

254
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,790
hey, did you know that

255
00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:12,670
the first pies in recorded history came from ancient egypt?

256
00:09:13,270 --> 00:09:15,770
remember last year's thanksgiving,

257
00:09:15,780 --> 00:09:19,740
when we had sex seven times?

258
00:09:19,910 --> 00:09:21,900
-ooh. terrible.  -what?!

259
00:09:21,910 --> 00:09:23,570
i thought it would break the ice.

260
00:09:23,580 --> 00:09:25,880
i'd already broken the ice with my cool pie fact.

261
00:09:25,890 --> 00:09:28,680
then he makes it ten times more awkward.

262
00:09:28,690 --> 00:09:31,150
how do you respond to something like that?

263
00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:34,380
did you know that the egyptian pyramids can be seen from space?

264
00:09:34,390 --> 00:09:37,050
probably?

265
00:09:37,060 --> 00:09:39,490
ooh, the oven's pre-heated!

266
00:09:39,500 --> 00:09:40,890
okay, um...

267
00:09:40,900 --> 00:09:43,490
the pecan pie is gonna take the longest.

268
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:45,560
why don't we put that one in first?

269
00:09:45,570 --> 00:09:47,700
pecan pie? why are we making that?

270
00:09:47,710 --> 00:09:49,500
um, it's my favorite.

271
00:09:49,510 --> 00:09:51,170
you're allergic.

272
00:09:51,180 --> 00:09:53,640
i know. i just like smelling it.

273
00:09:53,650 --> 00:09:55,540
it's like eating with your nose.

274
00:09:55,550 --> 00:10:00,490
so we're making a pie for bob.

275
00:10:00,790 --> 00:10:02,310
yeah.

276
00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:04,910
she's got you making pies for this guy?

277
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:06,580
yeah.

278
00:10:06,590 --> 00:10:10,200
that is a real slap in the face.

279
00:10:10,530 --> 00:10:13,160
you know, you could have just told me it was for bob.

280
00:10:13,170 --> 00:10:15,560
yeah, i-i just thought it might upset you.

281
00:10:15,570 --> 00:10:17,460
upset me? wait a second.

282
00:10:17,470 --> 00:10:20,340
do you think that...

283
00:10:20,410 --> 00:10:23,900
...do you think that i'm jealous of bob?

284
00:10:23,910 --> 00:10:25,370
i don't know.

285
00:10:25,380 --> 00:10:27,240
is it so ridiculous to think that you might be?

286
00:10:27,250 --> 00:10:29,070
-yes.  -why?

287
00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:31,310
because he's a thousand years old.

288
00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:34,110
no, ted, what are you doing?

289
00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:35,480
right?

290
00:10:35,490 --> 00:10:36,880
the only reason i'm jealous of bob

291
00:10:36,890 --> 00:10:38,480
is that we can only talk about the first thanksgiving,

292
00:10:38,490 --> 00:10:39,880
but he was actually there.

293
00:10:39,890 --> 00:10:40,780
come on.

294
00:10:40,790 --> 00:10:41,780
the only reason

295
00:10:41,790 --> 00:10:43,190
i'm jealous of bob is because

296
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:44,720
i heard noah gave him shotgun in the ark.

297
00:10:44,730 --> 00:10:45,420
ted...

298
00:10:45,430 --> 00:10:46,360
the only reason

299
00:10:46,370 --> 00:10:47,760
i'm jealous of bob

300
00:10:47,770 --> 00:10:49,790
is that i'm just an architect, but he discovered fire.

301
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:51,160
how do you top that?

302
00:10:51,170 --> 00:10:54,230
he's 41! why are you bashing on him so hard?

303
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:56,070
i'm not. i'm just joking around.

304
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,000
that's what friends do.

305
00:10:58,010 --> 00:10:59,540
it's mean.

306
00:10:59,550 --> 00:11:01,440
well, how come we're all allowed to bust on barney

307
00:11:01,450 --> 00:11:03,110
when he dates some skanktron,

308
00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:04,870
but when you sleep with the crypt keeper's dad,

309
00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:06,480
i'm not allowed to say a word?

310
00:11:06,490 --> 00:11:09,280
first of all, bob and i are not sleeping together.

311
00:11:09,290 --> 00:11:10,650
we're just dating.

312
00:11:10,660 --> 00:11:12,250
secondly, have i said one word

313
00:11:12,260 --> 00:11:14,450
about the parade of dubious conquests

314
00:11:14,460 --> 00:11:16,320
you've been marching past me the last few months?

315
00:11:16,330 --> 00:11:18,690
one of whom got you a butterfly tattoo?

316
00:11:18,700 --> 00:11:20,820
-hey, that is...-and if you and i are such good friends...

317
00:11:20,830 --> 00:11:23,630
why is baking a pie for bob so weird?

318
00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:25,260
yeah, if you and i are such good friends,

319
00:11:25,270 --> 00:11:28,230
why couldn't you just tell me that's what we were doing?

320
00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:30,570
okay, maybe we should talk about this later.

321
00:11:30,580 --> 00:11:33,200
i-i should get going.

322
00:11:33,210 --> 00:11:35,770
well, what are we doing?it's thanksgiving.

323
00:11:35,780 --> 00:11:36,870
i don't know. i'm sorry.

324
00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:38,070
this is stupid.

325
00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:39,240
i'm sorry, too.

326
00:11:39,250 --> 00:11:40,240
of course we're friends.

327
00:11:40,250 --> 00:11:41,380
i'm glad we're friends.

328
00:11:41,390 --> 00:11:43,920
me, too.

329
00:11:51,770 --> 00:11:54,100
you guys slept together last night?

330
00:11:54,110 --> 00:11:56,130
that is a terrible idea!

331
00:11:56,140 --> 00:11:57,840
horrible idea.

332
00:11:57,850 --> 00:11:59,900
relapse five!

333
00:11:59,910 --> 00:12:01,370
that's where we high-five,

334
00:12:01,380 --> 00:12:03,910
then it's awkward for a little bit...

335
00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:06,180
and then we high-five again!

336
00:12:06,190 --> 00:12:07,480
what the hell were you doing?

337
00:12:07,490 --> 00:12:08,650
let's review:

338
00:12:08,660 --> 00:12:10,880
you and ted broke up six months ago

339
00:12:10,890 --> 00:12:12,650
-yep  -you're dating another man...

340
00:12:12,660 --> 00:12:14,320
you are correct, sir.

341
00:12:14,330 --> 00:12:15,650
...who's coming to my thanksgiving today...

342
00:12:15,660 --> 00:12:17,150
that is a truth-fact.

343
00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:19,520
-..an event ted is also attending.-ka-blammo.

344
00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:22,160
why are you trying to destroy american thanksgiving?!

345
00:12:22,170 --> 00:12:24,000
oh, lily, it's not as bad as it sounds.

346
00:12:24,010 --> 00:12:25,630
bob and i aren't that serious,

347
00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:28,630
and what happened last night with ted was a fluke.

348
00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:32,680
well, did you guys at least talk about it?

349
00:12:35,350 --> 00:12:38,940
-there's office material...-i hear something burning...

350
00:12:38,950 --> 00:12:40,680
clearly, we need to ignore this.

351
00:12:40,690 --> 00:12:43,210
clearly, we need  to talk about this.

352
00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:47,090
you know? to save the friendship.

353
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,750
-we need to talk.-stuffed mushroom?

354
00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:51,560
we need to talk about last night.

355
00:12:51,570 --> 00:12:54,060
did you know that some mushrooms are carnivorous?

356
00:12:54,070 --> 00:12:56,960
probably... not?

357
00:12:56,970 --> 00:12:59,800
ted, can we please just deal with this?

358
00:12:59,810 --> 00:13:01,600
look, i'm not mad.

359
00:13:01,610 --> 00:13:02,800
-i just think...-wait, wait, wait, wait.

360
00:13:02,810 --> 00:13:04,640
why would you be mad-- you started it?

361
00:13:04,650 --> 00:13:06,240
what?! you're crazy!

362
00:13:06,250 --> 00:13:08,110
we called a truce, we hugged,

363
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:10,610
and when i tried to pull away,  you kept your hand on my neck.

364
00:13:10,620 --> 00:13:12,740
only because your hand was still around my waist.

365
00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:14,710
oh, come on! you leaned into it.

366
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:16,880
-i... leaned into it?-yeah.

367
00:13:16,890 --> 00:13:18,780
you're like the crappy kid in little league

368
00:13:18,790 --> 00:13:20,020
who knows he's not going to make contact,

369
00:13:20,030 --> 00:13:22,390
so he just..."oops, i got hit by the pitch.

370
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:24,120
better take my base."

371
00:13:24,130 --> 00:13:25,620
oh, that was you in little league, wasn't it?

372
00:13:25,630 --> 00:13:28,900
my on-base percentage was off the charts!

373
00:13:29,170 --> 00:13:30,390
oh, no!

374
00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:32,530
the slap-petizers.

375
00:13:32,540 --> 00:13:34,170
you know what? that's it!

376
00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:37,070
this is thanksgiving. solve this right now.

377
00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:41,470
and if you have sex again, neither of you gets dessert!

378
00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:45,210
oh, what the hell kind of thanksgiving is this anyway?

379
00:13:45,220 --> 00:13:47,040
um, most thanksgivings.

380
00:13:47,050 --> 00:13:48,350
don't stress, baby.

381
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:49,850
i'll try to find us something relaxing.

382
00:13:49,860 --> 00:13:51,720
thanks, baby.

383
00:13:51,730 --> 00:13:54,390
ooh, some classical music, maybe.

384
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,490
oh, my!

385
00:13:56,500 --> 00:13:57,860
look at that.

386
00:13:57,870 --> 00:14:00,590
that means we're in the final hour of the countdown.

387
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:03,090
i'm not scared.

388
00:14:03,100 --> 00:14:05,330
then why is your right cheek twitching?

389
00:14:05,340 --> 00:14:07,030
it's not...

390
00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:10,070
maybe it's because future me slaps future you so hard,

391
00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:11,970
it reverberates back to the present,

392
00:14:11,980 --> 00:14:14,140
shattering the time-slap continuum.

393
00:14:14,150 --> 00:14:15,910
please don't slap me.

394
00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:17,410
i'm sorry, what?

395
00:14:17,420 --> 00:14:18,580
oh, god! don't slap me again!

396
00:14:18,590 --> 00:14:20,210
i don't want to get slapped again,

397
00:14:20,220 --> 00:14:22,050
and the first two times hurt so bad, i don't like it!

398
00:14:22,060 --> 00:14:24,850
i don't like it one bit!

399
00:14:24,860 --> 00:14:27,950
i thought i ruined it by putting a clock on it, barney?

400
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,190
well, you didn't ruin it; you made it so much worse!

401
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:31,490
i can't eat.

402
00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:32,990
i can't sleep.

403
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,290
i've lost ten pounds; my suits are wearing me.

404
00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:37,230
you know what?i'm outta here.

405
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:38,930
well, no, no, no. you can't leave.

406
00:14:38,940 --> 00:14:40,670
why can't i?!

407
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,300
nowhere in the rules does it say that i have to sit

408
00:14:42,310 --> 00:14:43,930
through sort of mental torture!

409
00:14:43,940 --> 00:14:45,570
you are allowed to slap my face, sir,

410
00:14:45,580 --> 00:14:47,200
but you are not allowed to slap my mind!

411
00:14:47,210 --> 00:14:48,770
good day!

412
00:14:48,780 --> 00:14:50,940
-but it's slapsgiving.-no!it's not!

413
00:14:50,950 --> 00:14:53,540
it's thanksgiving!

414
00:14:53,550 --> 00:14:55,450
our first one as a married couple,

415
00:14:55,460 --> 00:14:57,180
as grownups--

416
00:14:57,190 --> 00:14:59,280
and you're not even trying to be a part of it!

417
00:14:59,290 --> 00:15:01,020
none of you are!

418
00:15:01,030 --> 00:15:03,220
so...

419
00:15:03,230 --> 00:15:05,260
as slap bet commissioner,i'm issuing a ruling.

420
00:15:05,270 --> 00:15:07,260
thanksgiving is a day of peace.

421
00:15:07,270 --> 00:15:08,860
there will be no slaps today!

422
00:15:08,870 --> 00:15:10,830
-what?!-yes!

423
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,400
in your face!

424
00:15:12,410 --> 00:15:14,730
not my face... your face!

425
00:15:14,740 --> 00:15:16,630
-what's up, dudes? - all:hey, bob.

426
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:18,040
-baby,please... -no!

427
00:15:18,050 --> 00:15:20,040
the slap bet commissioner's word is final,

428
00:15:20,050 --> 00:15:23,340
so get in the kitchen and mash some potatoes, now.

429
00:15:23,350 --> 00:15:26,040
and for the rest of the day,

430
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:30,350
we are going to enjoy a civilized, grownup holiday.

431
00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:31,950
not too grownup.

432
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:33,320
i made jell-o shots.

433
00:15:33,330 --> 00:15:37,400
we's gonna get silly, bitches.

434
00:15:37,730 --> 00:15:39,690
look at us!

435
00:15:39,700 --> 00:15:42,660
we can't be alone together, can we?

436
00:15:42,670 --> 00:15:44,930
apparently not.

437
00:15:44,940 --> 00:15:47,330
what does that mean?

438
00:15:47,340 --> 00:15:50,470
we're supposed to be friends.

439
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:53,270
we aren't friends, are we?

440
00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:55,070
not really.

441
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:56,770
we avoid each other.

442
00:15:56,780 --> 00:15:59,740
we smile politely.

443
00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:01,310
we're two people who pretend to be friends

444
00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:05,390
because it would be inconvenient not to.

445
00:16:06,030 --> 00:16:08,920
well, maybe we should stop pretending.

446
00:16:08,930 --> 00:16:13,400
maybe we should.

447
00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:20,260
so...

448
00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:22,430
oh, what do we do now?

449
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:25,300
i suppose...

450
00:16:25,310 --> 00:16:27,240
we eat dinner.

451
00:16:27,250 --> 00:16:29,440
yeah.

452
00:16:29,450 --> 00:16:33,580
and then that's it.

453
00:16:33,590 --> 00:16:38,620
okay.

454
00:16:49,070 --> 00:16:52,610
happy thanksgiving.

455
00:16:54,610 --> 00:16:56,530
so we sat down to our first thanksgiving

456
00:16:56,540 --> 00:16:58,840
together as a group...and, apparently, our last.

457
00:16:58,850 --> 00:17:00,840
marshall,you're not eating.

458
00:17:00,850 --> 00:17:02,740
did something spoil

459
00:17:02,750 --> 00:17:06,050
your slap-petite?

460
00:17:06,490 --> 00:17:09,050
no, i just thought...before we eat,

461
00:17:09,060 --> 00:17:10,880
maybe the chef would like to say a few words.

462
00:17:10,890 --> 00:17:15,290
nope. this sucks.eat up and leave.

463
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,660
well, then, i'd like to say something.

464
00:17:20,670 --> 00:17:22,060
if that's cool?

465
00:17:22,070 --> 00:17:26,530
um... today,lily did something great.

466
00:17:26,540 --> 00:17:29,300
not only did she gather us all here together

467
00:17:29,310 --> 00:17:31,000
and cook a delicious meal,

468
00:17:31,010 --> 00:17:33,240
but she also started a new tradition.

469
00:17:33,250 --> 00:17:35,610
we're gonna do this again next year,

470
00:17:35,620 --> 00:17:38,580
and the year after that-- maybe for the rest of our lives.

471
00:17:38,590 --> 00:17:41,080
i think that's pretty amazing if you think about it.

472
00:17:41,090 --> 00:17:44,520
and it's all thanks to you,lily.

473
00:17:44,530 --> 00:17:46,880
i love you.

474
00:17:46,890 --> 00:17:50,100
so, to the first of many thanksgivings together.

475
00:17:55,870 --> 00:17:57,660
this is rad!

476
00:17:57,670 --> 00:18:02,030
a nice, small,simple thanksgiving.

477
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:03,630
i'm the youngest of ten in my family,

478
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:07,100
so our thanksgiving is a mess.

479
00:18:07,110 --> 00:18:09,070
all the yelling and the screaming...

480
00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:11,710
and then a funny thing happened...

481
00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:14,310
it's really a major buzz-kill.

482
00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:17,220
-major buzz-kill.-major buzz-kill.

483
00:18:19,830 --> 00:18:21,120
oh, no...

484
00:18:21,130 --> 00:18:24,160
i thought we were done with that?

485
00:18:24,170 --> 00:18:26,090
i guess we're not.

486
00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:29,990
guess we're not.

487
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:33,560
you see kids, friendship is an involuntary reflex--

488
00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:35,830
it just happens,you can't help it.

489
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:38,640
that first thanksgiving turned out to be a wonderful dinner

490
00:18:38,650 --> 00:18:41,040
with the four people i love most in the world...

491
00:18:41,050 --> 00:18:43,310
and bob

492
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:44,780
and it did become a tradition.

493
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,380
that's why every year,we go to aunt lily

494
00:18:46,390 --> 00:18:48,150
and uncle marshall's for thanksgiving.

495
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:49,810
hey, check it out!

496
00:18:49,820 --> 00:18:51,150
we're in the last 20 seconds

497
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:53,680
of marshall's countdown to nothing.

498
00:18:53,690 --> 00:18:55,390
barney, put it away.

499
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,920
how does it feel, marshall,to sit there, impotently--

500
00:18:57,930 --> 00:19:01,430
your large, flaccid hand,just dangling in the wind?

501
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:04,300
the slap will occur in ten..

502
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:06,030
ooh, classy touch, dude.

503
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:07,300
too bad!

504
00:19:07,310 --> 00:19:08,570
barney, put it away. ...six...

505
00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:10,740
-i will in... five...-five, four...

506
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:11,870
-you can slap him.-...three...

507
00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:13,100
-what?! wait, you...-two...

508
00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:15,440
...one.

509
00:19:15,450 --> 00:19:17,980
that's three!

510
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:20,180
thanks, baby, you're the best.

511
00:19:20,190 --> 00:19:22,080
and as a special, added bonus,i've composed a song

512
00:19:22,090 --> 00:19:23,450
just for this occasion.

513
00:19:23,460 --> 00:19:25,990
ted, lights!

514
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:41,170
what is this feelin'

515
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:44,840
that's put you in your place

516
00:19:45,710 --> 00:19:50,710
a hot, red burnin' on the side of your face

517
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:54,710
you feel the blood rush to your cheek

518
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:58,180
tears start to fill your eyes

519
00:19:58,190 --> 00:19:59,680
and your lips are tremblin'

520
00:19:59,690 --> 00:20:02,950
but you can't speak,you're tryin'

521
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:04,120
oh, you're tryin'

522
00:20:04,130 --> 00:20:07,020
not to cry!

523
00:20:07,030 --> 00:20:11,230
-you just got sla-apped-oh, oh!

524
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:14,230
-across the face,my friend-oh, oh, oh

525
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:15,900
you just got slapped

526
00:20:15,910 --> 00:20:17,840
yes,that really

527
00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:21,310
just happened

528
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:24,180
everybody saw it

529
00:20:24,190 --> 00:20:27,980
and everybody laughed and clapped

530
00:20:27,990 --> 00:20:29,710
it was awesome

531
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,550
wait,you just got...

532
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:35,330
slapped.

533
00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:50,080
happy slapsgiving, everybody.

534
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:55,030
well,guys have fun

535
00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:57,630
this is gonna be majoy cleaner

536
00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:59,930
major cleaner

537
00:20:59,940 --> 00:21:04,240
oh man,we're gonna be doing this all the time,now aren't we

538
00:21:02,740 --> 00:21:04,740
that's the general idea

539
00:21:04,750 --> 00:21:07,240
general idea