[Singers:]
Here is the tale of a babysitting job,
the baby is something of a snob,

[Stewie:]
Oh, go fuck yourselves

[Singers:]
So listen very closely, and you'll find
that what they say is not the same as what's on their minds

[Haylie:]
Aren't you a cute little boy

[Haylie's Thoughts:]
look at that melon shaped head

[Stewie:]
Having you here is a joy

[Stewie's Thoughts:]
and in an hour you'll be dead

[Haylie:]
Sit on my knee

[Haylie's Thoughts:]
please don't go poo

[Stewie:]
Nice place to be

[Stewie's Thoughts:]
This one's for you

[Both:]
Babysitting is a bum deal

[Haylie:]
Why don't we watch Will & Grace

[Thought:]
Jesus, do I need a smoke

[Stewie:]
Jack puts a smile on my face

[Thought:]
oh, what a surprise, a gay joke

[Haylie:]
I like your house

[Thought:]
the ceiling has cracks

[Stewie:]
I like your blouse

[Thought:]
Miss TJ Maxx

[Both:]
Babysitting is a bum deal

[Singers:]
So they sat as time went by

[Haylie:]
slowly as time could go

[Singers:]
the baby blarred, and softly cursed

[Stewie:]
cause her lips, and her skirt, and her shoes,
and her hair made her look like a hoe

[Haylie:]
Time for your bottle my sweet

[Thought:]
This little brat smells like piss

[Stewie:]
alway's a succulent treat

[Thought:]
while I suck that, you suck this

[Haylie:]
Aren't you a sight

[Thought:]
look at him drool

[Stewie:]
you're a delight

[Thought:]
Damn you, you fool

[Both:]
Babysitting is a bum deal

[Singers:]
The diaper change was quite a job

[Haylie:]
the grossest I've ever seen

[Singers:]
The baby smiled and took a breath

[Stewie:]
and I grunted and pooped out a poop,
that looked something like Matthew Modine

[Haylie:]
someday you might meet a girl

[Thought:]
yeah, she's gonna be your right hand

[Stewie:]
Maybe it's you my sweet pearl

[Thought:]
darling, i'd rather fuck sand

[Haylie:]
Have a good night

[Thought:]
you little creep

[Stewie:]
Have a good night

[Thought:]
Die in your sleep

[Both:]
Babysitting is a bum deal
Babysitting is a bum deal