Episode 2.05 - Nick & Nora, Syd & Nancy

Jess: Wow, aren't we hooked on phonics.
Rory: Oh, I read a lot. Do you read?
Jess: Not much.

Jess: So do these open?
Rory: Oh yeah, you just have to unlatch them and then push.
Jess: Great. Shall we?
Rory: Shall we what?
Jess: Bail.
Rory: No.
Jess: Why?
Rory: Because it's Tuesday night in Stars Hollow. There's nowhere to bail to. The 24-hour mini-mart just closed twenty minutes ago.
Jess: So we'll walk around or sit on a bench and stare at our shoes.
Rory: Look, Sookie just made a ton of really great food, and I'm starving and though it may not seem like it right at this moment, it's gonna be fun. Trust me.
Jess: I don't even know you.
Rory: Well, don't I look trustworthy?
Jess: Maybe.

Rory: Little tip?
Jess: Yeah?
Rory: If you ever want to speak to me again, don't pull that out of my ear.
Jess: So I assume the nose is off limits too?
Rory: Any place you wouldn't naturally find a coin, let's leave it that way.

Rory: I thought you said you didn't read much.
Jess: Well, what is much? Goodnight Rory.
Rory: Goodnight Dodger.
Jess: Dodger?
Rory: Figure it out.
Jess: Oliver Twist.

Episode 2.08 - The Ins and Outs of Inns

Rory: Um Dean, I don't think you two have met. This is Jess. This is Dean.
Jess: Boyfriend?
Rory: Of course.
Jess: Sorry, you didn't say. How ya doing?
Dean: Good, good.
Rory: Okay, see you around.
Jess: Seems to turn out that way, doesn't it?

Episode 2.10 - The Bracebridge Dinner

Rory: What are you doing?
Jess: Well, I heard it was two to a sleigh - no more, no less. You were breaking the rules.
Rory: You could've hurt yourself.
Jess: I live on the edge. I can jump out if you want.
Rory: Doesn't matter to me.
Jess: Are you mad at me or something?
Rory: What do you think?
Jess: I can't read your mind.
Rory: You got into a fight with Dean.
Jess: Dean?
Rory: My boyfriend.
Jess: Ah. He's still your boyfriend?
Rory: Okay, you can jump out now.

Jess: Hey, what do you and Dean talk about?
Rory: What?
Jess: I mean, does he know Bjork?
Rory: I've played him some stuff.
Jess: Hm. So you got a teacher-student thing going?

Episode 2.12 - Richard in Stars Hollow

Rory: I can’t look at it anymore.
Jess: Relax. I don’t think it’ll be around very long.
Rory: Why?
Jess: Just a guess.
Rory: Jess!
Jess: Enjoy the food.
Rory: Come back here.
Jess: Why?
Rory: I’ll give you an eggroll.
Jess: Yes?
Rory: What did you do?
Jess: Nothing much. Just wanted to make sure whoever rented Dumbo or Bambi gets a little surprise.
Rory: What kind of surprise? What did you do?
Jess: You owe me an eggroll.

Episode 2.13 - A Tisket, A Tasket

Jess: I gotta tell you, of all the nutty barn raising shindigs this town can cook up, this one wasn’t half bad.
Dean: Glad you enjoyed it.
Jess: Yes I did. So shall we?
Dean: Shall we what?
Jess: Shall we go?
Dean: Go where?
Jess: Go eat.
Dean: Excuse me?
Jess: The person who buys the basket wins the company of the person who makes the basket for lunch. Basket, basket maker, guy who didn’t bring enough money.

Rory: Where are you going?
Jess: Thought you didn’t care.
Rory: I’m not jumping in the lake.
Jess: No underwater dining, got it.

Rory: So why’d you do it?
Jess: Do what?
Rory: Outbid Dean like that.
Jess: I don’t know. I guess it started as a joke just to bug him, but then he just got so mad, you know? And he is so tall, and I just was looking at him and he’s standing there all tall and mad and I just...I don’t know. It was...it was really funny.
Rory: It wasn’t funny.
Jess: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I didn’t intend to do it. Does that make you feel any better?
Rory: I just don’t wanna be in a fight with Dean.
Jess: I’m sorry about that. You wanna push me in the lake? It’s cathartic, I hear.
Rory: Hm, maybe in a little.

Jess: You know, Ernest only has lovely things to say about you.
Rory: Why are you only nice to me?
Jess: Excuse me?
Rory: An hour ago you were totally screwing with Dean and now you’re totally nice to me.
Jess: You see, it’s the screwing with Dean - that’s an important step to getting here so that I can be nice to you.

Rory: I promise. Commit to it one more time and if it still is awful for you, I will make it up to you.
Jess: Oh yeah?
Rory: Yeah.
Jess: Okay. I’m gonna hold you to that.

Episode 2.15 - Lost and Found

Rory: A new place might be nice. More space, maybe you’ll get your own room.
Jess: You change your hair?
Rory: What?
Jess: Your hair looks different.
Rory: So, segue’s not your thing, huh?
Jess: Is it?
Rory: Well, um, no, I wear it like this a lot. Why?
Jess: Just looks different.

Rory: Jess, my mother is a great person. She’s also my best friend in the world, so if you care about me at all, you will take that into consideration and you will be mildly polite to her.
Jess: What makes you think I care about you?
Rory: I don’t mean care care, like care. I mean if you like me at all. . . not like like. I just meant that if. . . if you think of me remotely as the sort of person that you could occasionally stand to talk to then you will try to get along with my mom, that’s all.

Episode 2.16 - There's the Rub

Jess: Interesting.
Rory: What is?
Jess: You think we need a chaperone?
Rory: No, I don’t.
Jess: You just invited one.

Rory: Jess, I’m asking you as a friend, just please leave now.
Jess: You really want me to go?
Rory: I really wanna avoid a fight with Dean.

Rory: Dean, Jess just came by to bring me some food.
Jess: From Luke’s.
Rory: He wanted to make sure I ate.
Jess: Luke did.
Rory: Right, Luke did.
Jess: Personally, I could care less if she eats.
Rory: Yeah, true, he could care less.
Jess: I see you brought a little something, too. Is that ice cream? That’s so nice. A tiny little ice cream package just big enough for two. Hey, are you guys gonna feed each other ‘cause that’s just so darn cute. Oops. You’re doing that towering over me thing. Huh. I tell you, you’ve really got that down. It helps that you’re twelve feet tall, but this Frankenstein scowl really adds to the whole –
Rory: Jess.
Jess: Okay, I’m going. Look, man, I really was just dropping off some food, so don’t get all West Side Story on me, okay?

Rory: Huh, interesting.
Jess: Hey, you wanna pay?
Rory: I don’t think Luke knew anything about the food last night.
Jess: That’ll be twelve-fifty.
Rory: Which means you lied about why you came over.
Jess: I don’t have any quarters. I’m gonna have to give you nickels.
Rory: Now why would you lie about something like that?
Jess: Here’s your change. Come again soon.
Rory: You wanted to come over.
Jess: I have to get back to work.
Rory: You’re squirming. I’ve never seen you squirm. It’s entertaining.
Jess: Oh yeah?
Rory: Yeah.

Episode 2.17 - Dead Uncles and Vegetables

Lorelai: Well, you’re very graceful.
Jess: She pushed me.
Rory: Sue me.
Jess: I could’ve broken my neck.
Rory: As long as it’s not your arm. We need your arm.
Jess: Despot.

Episode 2.19 - Teach Me Tonight

Rory: We’re studying.
Jess: You’re studying, I’m prying into your personal life.

Jess: Okay, tell you what. Let’s go get some ice cream, and then when we get back, I’ll study.
Rory: This is a diner, there’s ice cream here.
Jess: Yes, but we don’t have any cones.
Rory: Cones?
Jess: I need cones.
Rory: Well, so, if we go get ice cream...
Jess: In cones.
Rory: Then you will be a perfect student for the rest of the night?
Jess: That’s right.
Rory: I could not believe you less. Here, you drive, I’ll read you Othello. Won’t that be fun?
Jess: You have no idea how much.

Rory: What, you don’t think I can do it?
Jess: No, I do. Just sounds a little too –
Rory: A little what?
Jess: Just sounds a little too rough for you.
Rory: Well, it’s not a little too rough for me. I hope it’s not a little too rough for me, I’ve been talking about this forever. I mean, I don’t even know what I would do if –
Jess: Hey, I didn’t mean to freak you out. I’m sorry. I’m sure you’ll do it. You will, I promise. I’ll help you practice, okay? Tomorrow, you’ll stand in the middle of the street and I will drive straight at you screaming in a foreign language.
Rory: Well, you’re gonna have to learn a foreign language first.
Jess: Well, it’s lucky I’ve got me a tutor, isn’t it?

Jess: Okay, so I just go straight and we’ll be back at Luke’s.
Rory: Good sense of direction.
Jess: Of course, I could turn right and then we’d just be driving around in circles for awhile.
Rory: Turn right.
Jess: As you wish.

Episode 2.21 - Lorelai's Graduation Day

Rory: I feel very urban today.
Jess: Oh yeah, the plaid just screams urban.
Rory: I think I look like a native.
Jess: How well do you know Manhattan?
Rory: I've been here a few times. We saw The Bangles here.
Jess: When was that, twenty years ago?

Rory: Where you going?
Jess: Subway.
Rory: I thought we were gonna walk.
Jess: It's fifteen blocks. Come on, I think you'll like it.
Rory: Do they allow hot dogs in the subway?
Jess: You are so an out-of-towner.

Jess: I'm surprised she has time for anything except lighting darts on fire and throwing them at my picture.
Rory: Well, it's not a lot of time, but...
Jess: Uh-huh. Go on, get it. She'll like it.
Rory: Thank you so much for bringing me here. This was fate.
Jess: Yes, it was.
Rory: And in return, I just might show you my withering stare.
Jess: I'm a lucky man.

Jess: I said, why did you come here?
Rory: Well -
Jess: I mean, you ditched school and everything. That's so not you. Why'd you do it?
Rory: Because you didn't say goodbye.

Episode 2.22 - I Can't Get Started

Rory: What are you doing here?
Jess: Hello to you, too.
Rory: Is everything okay?
Jess: You look nice.
Rory: Thank you. What are you doing here?
Jess: I moved back.
Rory: What?
Jess: I moved back.
Rory: But – what – why?
Jess: Just wanted to.